Brinkley’s Corner: Voodoo Dust (Catnip)

Posted by on Nov 23, 2015 in Uncategorized | Comments Off

 

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 Voodoo dust; dirt like substance, able to turn cats into dogs!

That’s right my fellow canine lovers, you are hearing it here first; the cat’s have found a way to become dogs.

And why would they want to be a dog, you ask? Why, for that matter, would any human want to turn a cat into a dog, why not just get more dogs; there are plenty of us in every shelter across the country?

Why indeed? And as bizarre as this sounds, I propose these tiny flakes disguised in bags decorated with a crazed cat on the front—not to be mistaken for the bag with a crazed dog—is the culprit behind a grand plan to have more dogs with less responsibility!

Let’s face it; we are more trouble than a cat. We need more attention and require an allotted space in our family-pack. And after many months of living with these strange critters—aka clean freaks—I feel confident in my ability to now report the facts behind this dog vs. cat movement. (See below)

For one, cats prefer their own company to anyone else’s and can be left alone for hours at a time. That’s a plus to our very busy and often absent human.

Secondly, cats believe they are to be worshiped, and in fact, have history to back up their claims. I have not been able to prove this to be a fact, but my fellow house mates remind me, “It’s in the history books,” bragging, “Read it yourself.”  (Brace yourself: cats can read!)

It’s my opinion that it’s within this royalty-syndrome that our humans seem to be most hypnotized, eager to gain a cat’s acceptance, as if this too means they are royalty.

My house mates tell stories of Egypt and Pharos, strangers I’ve yet to meet. I cannot yet prove they exist; they’re invisible invaders at best!

As popular as cats seem to feel they are, they do have some oddities that I have yet to understand. For instance, they poop in a box—see explanation in another blog, soon to come—gross, yes, but it makes for a swift and easy cleanup—a plus to our humans, whom seem to like this behavior and praise them for it.

As we know, a dog is man’s best friend! We are the best house hold pet, for the money. We, at no extra charge, provide home protection—that mailman is not all that he appears to be! We fill in as an accommodating bed partner, and act as a built in weight loss guru (we’ll eat what you shouldn’t) just to name a few of our benefits.

Why wouldn’t a human want more of us?  We’re far more personal, we don’t live in a bubble, love walks outside, and want as much attention as an owner can provide; not because we deserve it, but because “petting” relieves stress—it’s been proven!—and we want to help “you,” our owner.

Yes, my friends, humans should want more dogs, but do they want more responsibility? We are pack animals and we want to be with our pack, aka our family. We are not cats; we do not like our own company.  So, it’s no big surprise, when one asks if they should get a dog, a human will inevitably quip, “that’s a big commitment,” followed by, “maybe I should get a cat?”

Thus, the magic of Catnip comes into play!

The cat that once sleeked around the house, ignoring everyone, now trips and fumbles around like a circus clown, better known as—you guessed it—a dog! The cat that once preened himself, now, having rolled in the magic voodoo dust, could care less if flakes hang from his body like dirt. Dirt is suddenly acceptable—just like a dog! The conceited feline now clamors for a spot on the couch next to his owner, for a nap or a rub. They “play” cute, rolling upside-down, to view the world from a very different angle. The owner thinks this to be adorable; unaware that this is the only way the clean freak can see as they are stoned out of their minds—unlike us dogs who, stone sober, just like to view the world that way, because we’re fun like that!

Our beloved caretakers are unaware this magic wears off and the lovable cat will once again become royalty!

A cat is not a dog! Cats are not naturally cute! They are cats; friends of Egypt and kin to Pharos’s, from invisible lands, probably made up, true, but how are we to know?  We can’t read!

I plead with all my fellow canines, hide the Catnip!!!!!!!!!

Cats must remain cats and dogs, dogs.  There is rightness and an order to things and this evil Catnip threatens our very lives! Not to mention, I’ve sniffed it and it does nothing. It serves no fun!

Balls can stay. But catnip must go! I implore all my fellow canines to DESTROY THE VOODOO DUST. Do it, before it destroys us!

 

 

Comments from the peanut gallery.

12282101_10156335478375094_1954499691_o Cat one: The bloke thinks we’re daft.

 

 

 Wee girl Cat two: Why are you talking funny?

 

 

 

12290600_10154338385157977_163176135_o  Cat three: Dude, this stuff is better than the last batch! SCORE!

 

 

12281599_10156335504520094_1519404540_o  Cat one: Dog’s bollocks!

 

 

 

12273011_10154338417632977_2145375013_n  Cat two: (eye roll) Boy’s are so stupid.