Brinkley’s Corner: Dog Alerts–Sign Up Now!

Posted by on Jun 2, 2014 in Uncategorized | Comments Off

I love her!

I love her!

Blah-blah-blah-Brinkley. Blah-blah-blah-Brinkley. We’ve all heard our names called, and though the expression that usually precedes our name is lost in translation, we pause. Not because humans are so profound, but rather, because they’re unpredictable.

Let’s face it, understanding our human takes time. Like the putting-on-the-clothes-to-leave routine, we’re thinking, cool, it must be park time. We race to find a favorite toy, all the while pacing from the bedroom to the door and back again. Then a realization dawns; we’re not going to the dog park!

Does this sound familiar; “Don’t worry. You won’t even know I’m gone.”

5 minutes, 8 hours, what do we care? Gone is gone!

Now, my friends, had you received my Dog Alerts, you could have referred to my many recommended stall tactics. Like hiding under the bed or faking a seizure (I don’t recommend that one as it will only land you at the vet). Or, maybe you could race out the back door, hide behind a tree or some yard ornament and then refuse to move. (Hey it works for the cat!)

I’m sure by now it’s becoming all-too clear why all canines need Dog Alerts! We simply cannot function inside a world controlled by humans without a little help from a fellow brother or sister. And I’m just that Brother! (See below for further brilliant suggestions on how to handle your home and your human.)

Dog alert example one: Abandoned for the day, head for the couch.

A dog must stake out their spot before the cat or the diminutive human, the one that arrives two or three hours before the real boss. Remember, when the real boss is away, you are the boss of the house. So, bark at everything that moves, even if you’ve seen it before. Enemies are everywhere!

Dog alert example two: Humans love it when we go crazy.

While it’s well known that most of what our human says is nonsense, words like dinner or park cannot be missed. So pay attention, the good stuff is buried deep within their ramblings. Remember if you hear these key words–go crazy! Chase your tail, bug out your eyes, and run circles around the dining table.

I know it sounds insane but they will love it. They’ll call their neighbors just to tell them what you did, take photos, and even put your picture on something called FACEBOOK, where you may go viral. (I have no idea what that means but you may need to be vaccinated)

Dog alert example three: Never let humans know how much we understand.

A delicate balance must be found. It’s ok to act stupid. If you can’t remember how to do that, ask the cat. They’ve perfected this smug-like behavior, blurring the lines between idiotic and indifference now for so long, humans actually think they have the right to treat them like poop. They think it’s funny even, yet, when we do it, we get reprimanded. We are obviously doing something wrong.

But not for long! Soon, with Dog Alerts, you will be doing something right! It’s guaranteed to keep you hip and wise. And while the above is just a few suggestions, sign up now for a mere 50 dog treat minimum at brinkleyscammingfortreats.com and be the first to benefit from a life time (3 years max) of experience.

Thank you and don’t forget the treats.

Brinkley

PS- Don’t tell my mommy!